A Special Note From Nalia and Salem #7
Featuring Very Special Friends-Salem Gains a Couch Buddy, While Nalia Gains an Energetic Playmate! And Both Ladies Meet A Very Sweet Mini-Cat-Sized Dog! Purrzahs!
Hooman: Hello Hello Fellow Musers! Welcome welcome to a very Special Note From Nalia and Salem! It’s their birthday today, and they are now officially 3 years old😻In human time, that would make them…tweens🙀
*Nalia and Salem perk up at the word Tween*
Salem: Hey Hooman! What is…
Nalia: Tween?
*Both look at Hooman in curiosity*
Hooman: In human terms, a tween is the year to a few years before one becomes a teenager. Tween is a post-modern term reserved for human adolescents of the ages of 10-12. It’s a transition period from child to teenager.
Nalia: What is a…
Salem: Teenager?
*Human contemplates how to navigate this explanation so as to not put ideas into the royal floofs heads*
Hooman: A teenager, in human terms, is an older adolescent between the ages of 13 to 19 (although some humans of certain genders might be given an extension of 13-25 or longer, but we don’t have to get into that in this post😉). Humans throughout this phase tend to experience a lot of changes to their bodies, and experience alot of emotions that may or may not get acknowledged.
Nalia: But kitties are a bit different than you Hoomans-most of us stop growing after the age of 2 or 3 years (depending on how much Maine Coon you have in you).
Salem: Sister, not all kitties are blessed to have Maine Coon in them. Some grow big and bodacious just because it’s part of their genetic makeup. Although some also eat more food than what they should get fed.
Nalia: …Like you?…
Salem: Rude! Ma’am, in case your loose-ass brain hasn’t noticed, Hooman has been helping me curve the urge to overeat. And not that it’s your business, but Mama did take me to the vet and I am now at a healthy weight of 8.4 lbs!
Hooman: This is true, Nalia. Also, Salem, language!
Nalia: I know, I was just testing out Tween sarcasm! Hehe!
Hooman: *facepalms*
Salem: *Facepawlms*1
Nalia: And Sister, I’m proud of you for getting to a healthy weight!
Hooman: So am I😻
Salem: Thank you Sister and Mama!
Nalia: Anyways, Fellow Musers, you may have been noticing in reading our words that Sister Salem and I have become better at typing and talking to you!
Salem: We had some help! Sister Nalia and I one night stole borrowed our Hooman’s phone and sent a message to two kitties who live on the west coast of the United States!
Nalia: We have been following them and their Hooman for a while here on Substack, and we thought, “Hey, maybe they can give us some spelling pointers!” Oh, and we also discovered that there are dogs that are about the size of domestic cats! Whodathunk!?!
Salem: Right! That was a big surprise! So, without further ado, purrlease welcome Heidi and her furbabies, Chris, Jasper Kitten, and Jojo the Dog That Is Mini-Cat Size from the Substack
!
Heidi, Chris, Jasper Kitten, and Jojo: Hello, Critters! It's great to be here. We are honored to be in such esteemed company.
Salem: Heidi, Chris, Jasper and Jojo-
Nalia: We would love to say thank you, always, for helping us get our spelling together, and for helping Sister Salem curve her need to always throw in some inappropriate-
Salem: Yet sometimes funny
Nalia: Language!
Heidi: You're welcome!
Chris: Btw, it's C-U-R-B.
Jasper: Not C-U-R-V-E.
Jojo: Full stop.
Salem: Thank y’all very much for correcting Nalia. She obviously still needs help sometimes!
Nalia: You need help with-
Nalia & Salem’s Hooman: Full stop, Nalia Ann!
Nalia: You’re right, Mama Hooman. Everyone, let us regail these Hoomans with the tail tale of how we learned to type!
Salem: We admit, it wasn’t easy to break the habit. But Chris and Jasper were so patient with us!
Nalia: Jojo helped too!
Salem: Jojo helped us realize that maybe if our Hooman daddy gets his way and brings a dog home, that maybe we can get along with dogs!
Nalia: Thank you, Jojo! Also, sorry about us being mean to you at first.
Salem: Yeah, we just aren’t around dogs right now so we don’t know how to react yet.
Jojo: No worries, in my humble experience and with my tried and true Terrier temperament, there can be a learning C-U-R-V-E with Cat-Dog socialization. In terms of dog adoption, I'd like to recommend Senior Dog Adoption. After all, I found Furever at the age of 13.
Salem: We understand that.
Nalia: As we adopted our Hooman and totally not the other way around!
The Hoomans: Alrighty, Critters, let’s tell the tale!
Night time, shortly after New Years 2025
Salem: Did u get teh phone?
Nalia: I iz trying!
Salem: Try hardur!
Nalia: Okay, gotz it!
Salem: Gurreat! U type teh wurds, I tell u what too type!
Nalia: Okayz!
Nalia and Salem: Dere Heidi, Jasper Kitten, and Chris, Hi! We iz Nalia and Salem! You mite knowz uz frum Musings of an Cathrapology Student-
Salem: Anthroplogy, u dimwit!
Nalia: Dats what I rote! Focus!
Nalia and Salem: Az u can c, our typing is atroc-iz horriable, and we wuz wundering if u could help us? We dont want our Hooman to alwayz haz tu currect ourz spellingz, andz we haz too much purride to ask hur to stop. We will convince our Hooman to send u your favoorite cat treatz az payment fur helping uz. Tank u fur considuring tu help uz wit dis problem. Sined, Nalia and Salem🐾
Heidi: Thank you for the question, Nalia and Salem.
Jasper: First and foremost, be very careful with what is known in the vernacular as A-U-T-O-C-O-R-R-E-C-T. B-E-W-A-R-E.
Chris: As an example, Autocorrect once changed our Hooman's name from Heidi to Hedonist. Prior to that event in the Autocorrect Annals of Time, she had no idea that she was so much fun. The end.
Jojo: P.S. This advice is offered Pro Bono, at no charge, not even our favorite snack which was invented in Jojo's Test Kitchen: the Kibble Scone.
Nalia & Salem: Still waitng onz teh kittiey version, but yay! We appurreciate teh help. We’l talk too u soonz!
Some time later in February
Hooman: Nalia and Salem, did you ask your questions and learn anything, my loves?
Salem: Yes! Yes I did!
Nalia: I did too!
Hooman: Great! Would you like to share with our Fellow Musers the questions asked and answered?
Nalia: Yes! Here is the transcript, Mama!
Salem: Yeah, we tried to copy immitate you in how you have done transcripts! And we added a few back and forths-
Nalia: that we were originally going to keep out but decided to keep in-
Salem: to make it read smoother!
Hooman: *blinks*…I…I…I’m not even gonna ask how…*sigh*…Carry on my wayward daughters!
Nalia & Salem: Dear Fellow Muserz and Fellow Critterz, here are our questions!
Tada! Teh Questionz & Answerz!
Nalia: How did u learn 2 type so well?
Chris: We have a very high level of dexterity plus the tandem teamwork of our toebeans doubles if not triples our typing skills in terms of speed and accuracy. The end.
Salem: Wur thur tretez inclooded?
Jasper: Treats (T-R-E-A-T-S) were not included cuz we're so motivated to use our toebeans in any given moment. Typing is a way to seize the day if not our Hooman's phone and tablet.
Salem: Oh, we can relate wit u on dat!
Nalia: Most definetly!
Both: Carpe Diem az the Hooman likes to say!
Both: We seez dat u haz been rureading ourz stuffz and following uz furr a while, just like we haz been following u-iz thur any frazez dat we’ve said often dat u knowz we culd write bettur?
Jasper: We luvluvluv reading your stuff (S-T-U-F-F).
Chris: Keep practicing and remember that F-U-R only has one 'R'. F-U-R-E-V-E-R.
Nalia: Whoa! One “R”!
Salem: *Gasps* FULL! STOP!
Nalia: We’ll remembur dat that in the future!
Both: Purrzahz, we’re learning! Purrzahz! Purrzahz! Purrzahz!
Jasper: This is definitely a good reason to celebrate with a jump on the curtains! The. End.
Salem and Nalia: Oooh, I-D-E-A-S!👀
Hooman: *Facepalms*
Chris: *Facepawlms, slowly lowers paw to reveal wide eyes*
Salem: Canz we still addz teh lettur ‘Z’ at teh end of sum wurdz? Sumtimez I get furrustrated and thrō out a wurd or 2 that maybe I shuldn’t bcuz Sistur upsets me. Iz it okay that I occasionally put out a bad word or 5 purr post? Whyz or whyz not?
Jojo: Personally and professionally, we only us the letter 'Z' in our Hooman's last name. Full stop.
Nalia: Okay, sooooo occasional Z's are better than no Z’s!
Salem: Got it! 💯%!
Nalia: Our Hooman keepz uz inside-duz ur Hooman keep u 3 inside too, or are u allowed 2 go outside?
Heidi: Chris and Jasper are Indoor Only Cats.
Chris: This helps keep us safe and it's good for birds outside.
Jasper: The closest Chris has been to going outside was when he was born in a garage.
Chris: Jasper Kitten, on the other paw, was found in a bush at a gas station.
Jojo: I go outside on a leash.
Hooman: Now do y’all believe me when I say you two have to stay indoors?
Nalia: We accept our Fellow Critters reality-
Salem: And reject your reasons!
Hooman: Hey Heidi, want two more cats?
Heidi: They still seem pretty attached to you, so I’m going to have to pass.
Hooman: Alrighty.
Nalia & Salem: Noooo, we don’t want to travel dat far! We stay wit you! We luvluvluv you Hooman! *Proceeds to rub and purr on their Hooman’s legs*
Nalia: Iz Jojo rurreally cat-size and doze he play well wit catz?
Salem: Yas, I’d also like to know this!
Jojo: Thank you for this incredible question! In fact, I am smaller than a lot of cats, including Chris and Jasper. However. I enjoy playing with my cats, especially the Indoor Only activity of chasing each other around the coffee table.
Salem: Soooo he’s a catsize toy!
Nalia: Oooh👀
Hooman: Nope, don’t you two even try!
Salem: Whatcha gonna do if we try?
Nalia: Yeah! Whatcha gonna doòóôöǒœøõōő?
Hooman: Take you both on a cross-country road trip where you’ll spend most of it in your carriers, and absolutely no treats for a month!
Salem: I hate the car, but I love the treats, so I take back what I was implying!
Nalia: I also take back my thoughts about a live-action dog toy!
Both: Sorry, Jojo, we didn’t mean to be so mean!
Salem: Hmm, I think I’m getting the hang of this! As the Critters like to say, “Full stop!” Also, how much time iz enough couch time, Chris?
Chris: Thank you, Salem, for this incredible and final question. In my humble opinion and in my vast life experience, no amount of time spent on the Couch (Cap C, btw) is ever enough. It. Is. Eternal. The End.
Jojo: I. Have. To. Agree. *plops down next to Chris*
Jasper: Full. Stop.
Salem: I am in agreement with dis this (looks up word) assessment of the couch! *purrz*
Nalia: I, too, am in agreement!
Present Day
Nalia: Wow, that was great! Who knew that collaborating with othur Critterz would be so much fun?
Salem: Yes, I admit, it was fun! We both learned alot-
Nalia: -Also can be spelled “a lot”!-
Salem: about spelling and now we won’t need teh Hooman to help us as much!
Both: Purrzahz!
Hooman: …My babies are growing up so quickly…🥲
Salem: I haz a quick story: So we like to joke that we adopted our Hooman
Nalia: Which I-and eventually you-did!
Salem: True! But, even though today is our birthday, today is also the day that I wuz officially adopted by our Hooman! Yes, we will only admit today in 2025 that Hooman adopted us, and not the other way around. She signed the papurz and paid the local SPCA adoption fee becuz they helped with our spaying and my shots.
Nalia: Oooh yeah, because she did the same with me literally 2 weekz before, but sanz shots!
Salem: It makez sense that you were adopted first, since you adopted our Hooman first and I later!
Nalia: Although we both probably would have been officially adopted two weeks earlier if not for your *whispers* condition.
Salem: It’s okay, we can say it. If not for my pregnancy, we both probably would have been spayed together and adopted at the same time!
Hooman: Hmmm…spayed at the same time…maybe?🤔🤷♀️
*Both cats jump on the couch and snuggle with their hooman*
Nalia: It’s been a long and wild day!
Salem: Indeed! Can we goez to sleep now?
Nalia: Meaning, can we all nap and then you sleep while Sistur and I play?
Hooman: Of course we can!
Nalia and Salem: Thank you everyone for helping us celebrate our birthday today! Y’all are all Pawsomesauce2! Thank you again to Heidi, Jasper, Chris, and Jojo fur helping us😻Y’all are extra extra Pawsomesauce! Thank you, Heidi, for giving our Hooman (and us, of course) pointers about how to do a collaboration on Substack! We look forward to reading what the Core Critters will learn about next!
Carpe Diem & Purrzahz!
~Kimber, Nalia, and Salem
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“Facepawlms” is the critter equivalent to “Facepalm”
“Pawesomesauce” is the critter equivalent to “Awesomesauce”
This was a fun read! Nice to meet Kimber, Nalia, and Salem in their collab with Heidi, Jojo, Jasper, and Chris!
Thanks for introducing us to your new friends, Heidi and critters!