I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. Friendships on the internet can be tricky. I’m glad that you were able to talk through it with someone and get over it, though. My thoughts go out to you!
Thank you, Andrei, I appreciate your words and your thoughts💞Indeed, internet friendships can be tricky, but some of them when formed are worth staying in. It just sucks that it takes a few tries to figure out who they are
It has been a while since I've been here. I love your perceptiveness and intelligence, and the fascinating glimpse into the life of someone in academia. Wow. Much of what you say resonates with me. I am a good 30 years older than you, but also a fellow introvert and empath who seeks to ambivert, a bit. Just a few of "snippets."
"Lovebombing" - Oh boy. What is it about those charismatic folks, the same soul who appears in all sorts of disguises, as an exciting new "best friend" at college, a shift supervisor at your moonlighting call center job, even the much-younger contractor with the gorgeous blue eyes.. OK Maureen you really should know better, you are a Great Auntie!
I can't totally put myself into the shell and soul of a NON introvert-empath and definitely don't really understand the charismatic extrovert, but sense a familiar pattern. There we are, living our homey chicken soup life. Things are placid and untroubled but we vaguely wish for.... more. Ironically, we seem to meet these people when things ARE basically "OK." We are not worried about eviction, in the middle of surgery, broke. It as if they can sense we are ripe for the plucking!
Looking back on the three experiences above, they all have in common that this person just seemed...MORE. Their life was more colorful, more exciting, and it made normal like seem OK, but grey somehow. And for some mad reason, this exciting person thought WE were the greatest thing since sliced bread. We had coffee with the shift supervisor, and talked for three hours. "Maybe" things would be different when we were both free (always "maybe hanging in the air). We were their bosom confidante, they LOVED our writing... in fact, THEY were a writer too. The employer would call from San Diego "just to chat" as they "loved talking to you" and, YOU GUESSED IT... "they were a writer too*."
*NOTE: No, they are a only a performative writer. What they REALLY are is someone who is perfect at being who YOU want them to be... right now anyway, and they somehow KNOW you want someone who, unlike your own family, doesn't condemn you for being "artsy fartsy" and suggest you write a Jack Reacher book and make some money. Sigh.
SURRENDER OF THE WALLS: Yes, you KNOW you are not perfect. You goof off, procrastinate on Twitter when you should be editing your work, your house is filled with dust bunnies. But, to this person you are PERFECT. You have read all about the mechanics of gaslighting, narcissism, and KNOW and are initially guarded, but THIS TIME IT IS DIFFERENT. The scary thing of being an introvert is I think you don't realize how starved you can get for companionship, and once the wall comes down, WATCH OUT! (The old 12-step adage of HALT (Never get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired is right on point)
AFTERMATH, REJECTION, AND CRITICISM: Oh boy. You open up, you pour all your observations, needs, wants, love (erotic, platonic, whichever form fits) BACK. You know you should not but out it comes. Then for a while you are living in a perfect pink cloud. But inevitably, being the charismatic extrovert that they are, once they have sucked you dry for what they need, a new distraction comes along: transfer from our boring second-rate (in their opinion) college to Wellsley and a new pack of geographically convenient new best friends, a new employee at the call center who needs to be seduced so they will be easy to talk into extra shifts, or time to dump the employee without warning (the one you called after hours to share your hopes and dreams with) for some business reason, mayb involving taxes.
Yikes, what a diatribe. Yes, it seems a pattern. Yes, awareness is bliss. And yes, how it comes at 20, at 40 (during your horrible divorce) or at 60 (when you figure it out within a few days and sort of laugh that you still HAVE the libido to crush on an attractive man with gorgeous blue eyes).
All I can say is, I like being someone who IS deep enough to give intensely, even if it may sometimes be unwise. And there are the other, more quiet and patient friendships that you are lucky enough to grow organically, the ones that the charismatic narcissists seem to lack as they move on from one source to the next.
Good Luck, yes "I love your writing" but I will say that with balance and hope to continue to read you over time. Best wishes with the wilds of academia, and, as a legendary travel writer once exhorted: "YOU HAVE A TALENT...KEEP WRITING"!
Hi Maureen, thank you for your insights and thoughts💞I’m so sorry that you went through all that! Please, I hope that you continue to be intensly deep, empathic, and yourself! Hugs!!!
I’ve also missed seeing your comments and I hope to hear more of your insights on my upcoming posts! I feel that I learn alot from you everytime you leave a comment💞Keep writing as well-whether it’s on my posts, other peoples posts, or if you feel inspired to write novels, or even start your own Substack (I’d totally subscribe if you did)!
Kimber, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! It means a lot that you have stepped out of your comfort zone to let us into what you have been going through. Though it isn’t me who should be apologising, I truly am sorry for a rough few months. I honestly am still traumatized from my college roommate experience from literally almost 10 years ago now 😵💫 so I empathise with what you have to go through. Really hoping that you begin to transition into a phase of happy moments and more pease! Looking forward to when you are ready to come back to us with more deep dives! ✨
Thank you Kharissa! I’m so sorry that your college roommate experience was traumatizing! Hugs!!! My first time having a roommate in college was the opposite-we got along pretty well, so I was optimistic about this time around. Thank you so much for your support, comments, and encouraging words💞💜
Thank you, Michael, for your words and support! I will admit the original version was admittedly not as mature, but I slept on it a few times and did a few re-writes, lol. I hope you're doing well!
Just to say I’m sending you a big hug and I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve had to navigate so much difficulty lately. I’m glad you were able to see that what was happening was toxic and that you’ve untangled yourself from the situation. 💗
Thank you, Chloe, for your words and your support💞💜I’ve been able to feel more clarity in my decision making since writing it. It’s been nice😊I hope you’re doing well!
Girl, #truth! We all deserve true, meaningful friendshieps! I accept your hug and send my own hugs in return💜💜💜
I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. Friendships on the internet can be tricky. I’m glad that you were able to talk through it with someone and get over it, though. My thoughts go out to you!
Thank you, Andrei, I appreciate your words and your thoughts💞Indeed, internet friendships can be tricky, but some of them when formed are worth staying in. It just sucks that it takes a few tries to figure out who they are
Thank you sweetheart,
Mom
💞💜
Hi Kimber,
It has been a while since I've been here. I love your perceptiveness and intelligence, and the fascinating glimpse into the life of someone in academia. Wow. Much of what you say resonates with me. I am a good 30 years older than you, but also a fellow introvert and empath who seeks to ambivert, a bit. Just a few of "snippets."
"Lovebombing" - Oh boy. What is it about those charismatic folks, the same soul who appears in all sorts of disguises, as an exciting new "best friend" at college, a shift supervisor at your moonlighting call center job, even the much-younger contractor with the gorgeous blue eyes.. OK Maureen you really should know better, you are a Great Auntie!
I can't totally put myself into the shell and soul of a NON introvert-empath and definitely don't really understand the charismatic extrovert, but sense a familiar pattern. There we are, living our homey chicken soup life. Things are placid and untroubled but we vaguely wish for.... more. Ironically, we seem to meet these people when things ARE basically "OK." We are not worried about eviction, in the middle of surgery, broke. It as if they can sense we are ripe for the plucking!
Looking back on the three experiences above, they all have in common that this person just seemed...MORE. Their life was more colorful, more exciting, and it made normal like seem OK, but grey somehow. And for some mad reason, this exciting person thought WE were the greatest thing since sliced bread. We had coffee with the shift supervisor, and talked for three hours. "Maybe" things would be different when we were both free (always "maybe hanging in the air). We were their bosom confidante, they LOVED our writing... in fact, THEY were a writer too. The employer would call from San Diego "just to chat" as they "loved talking to you" and, YOU GUESSED IT... "they were a writer too*."
*NOTE: No, they are a only a performative writer. What they REALLY are is someone who is perfect at being who YOU want them to be... right now anyway, and they somehow KNOW you want someone who, unlike your own family, doesn't condemn you for being "artsy fartsy" and suggest you write a Jack Reacher book and make some money. Sigh.
SURRENDER OF THE WALLS: Yes, you KNOW you are not perfect. You goof off, procrastinate on Twitter when you should be editing your work, your house is filled with dust bunnies. But, to this person you are PERFECT. You have read all about the mechanics of gaslighting, narcissism, and KNOW and are initially guarded, but THIS TIME IT IS DIFFERENT. The scary thing of being an introvert is I think you don't realize how starved you can get for companionship, and once the wall comes down, WATCH OUT! (The old 12-step adage of HALT (Never get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired is right on point)
AFTERMATH, REJECTION, AND CRITICISM: Oh boy. You open up, you pour all your observations, needs, wants, love (erotic, platonic, whichever form fits) BACK. You know you should not but out it comes. Then for a while you are living in a perfect pink cloud. But inevitably, being the charismatic extrovert that they are, once they have sucked you dry for what they need, a new distraction comes along: transfer from our boring second-rate (in their opinion) college to Wellsley and a new pack of geographically convenient new best friends, a new employee at the call center who needs to be seduced so they will be easy to talk into extra shifts, or time to dump the employee without warning (the one you called after hours to share your hopes and dreams with) for some business reason, mayb involving taxes.
Yikes, what a diatribe. Yes, it seems a pattern. Yes, awareness is bliss. And yes, how it comes at 20, at 40 (during your horrible divorce) or at 60 (when you figure it out within a few days and sort of laugh that you still HAVE the libido to crush on an attractive man with gorgeous blue eyes).
All I can say is, I like being someone who IS deep enough to give intensely, even if it may sometimes be unwise. And there are the other, more quiet and patient friendships that you are lucky enough to grow organically, the ones that the charismatic narcissists seem to lack as they move on from one source to the next.
Good Luck, yes "I love your writing" but I will say that with balance and hope to continue to read you over time. Best wishes with the wilds of academia, and, as a legendary travel writer once exhorted: "YOU HAVE A TALENT...KEEP WRITING"!
Maureen M.
Goodness. Hope it appeared with paragraphs.
Good night and a great week.
Hi Maureen, thank you for your insights and thoughts💞I’m so sorry that you went through all that! Please, I hope that you continue to be intensly deep, empathic, and yourself! Hugs!!!
I’ve also missed seeing your comments and I hope to hear more of your insights on my upcoming posts! I feel that I learn alot from you everytime you leave a comment💞Keep writing as well-whether it’s on my posts, other peoples posts, or if you feel inspired to write novels, or even start your own Substack (I’d totally subscribe if you did)!
Awww, thanks Kimber. Back Atcha!
Maureen "Moe"
There are indeed many paragraphs full of insights and wisdom😄 A goodnight and great week to you as well!
Much love to you! Sara and I are always here for you. Keep writing, keep dreaming those big dreams.
Thank you, Justin! Same to you, along with you making your music💞Much love and many hugs to you and Sara💜💜💜
Kimber, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! It means a lot that you have stepped out of your comfort zone to let us into what you have been going through. Though it isn’t me who should be apologising, I truly am sorry for a rough few months. I honestly am still traumatized from my college roommate experience from literally almost 10 years ago now 😵💫 so I empathise with what you have to go through. Really hoping that you begin to transition into a phase of happy moments and more pease! Looking forward to when you are ready to come back to us with more deep dives! ✨
Thank you Kharissa! I’m so sorry that your college roommate experience was traumatizing! Hugs!!! My first time having a roommate in college was the opposite-we got along pretty well, so I was optimistic about this time around. Thank you so much for your support, comments, and encouraging words💞💜
Good to see you be honest and raw without naming names, Kimber. Very mature.
Also, I found this to be a very well written piece. :)
Thank you, Michael, for your words and support! I will admit the original version was admittedly not as mature, but I slept on it a few times and did a few re-writes, lol. I hope you're doing well!
Wise move.
I’m good, I hope you’re doing well too :)
Just to say I’m sending you a big hug and I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve had to navigate so much difficulty lately. I’m glad you were able to see that what was happening was toxic and that you’ve untangled yourself from the situation. 💗
Thank you, Chloe, for your words and your support💞💜I’ve been able to feel more clarity in my decision making since writing it. It’s been nice😊I hope you’re doing well!
<3 <3 <33
💞💜💞