Two Cats and Their Human: Salem, Part 2

Salem’s Version

Apr 17, 2024

This is Part 2 of Salem’s side of their story and talks about her birthing her kittens, moving past the tragedy, and getting use to being inside, and outs her Human Servant about a mistake that she made concerning Salem.

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Trigger Warning: Brief mention of baby animal death

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And now that we’ve gotten that out of the way

Onward!

March

Mama finally gotz mah crate set up, some comfy towels, my own ~~royal piss and shitter~~ litterbox. It was noice (az she likez to say), and she put lotz of towelz inside to help make me comfy!

As it got closur to my time to give birth, Sistur (dat little shit) started being rougher with me. So much so that Mama had to seperate us a few times. She’d put Sistur in the bathroom for a few minutes and let me relax. I really liked to relax on teh bed-it was comfy. Honestly, though, az wild as Miss Nalia wuz, my favurrite part of this time wuz when both Sistur and Mama would give me attention! Sistur Nalia would groom me and Mama wuld give me petz on my eveurr growing belly. ‘Twuz paradise furr me!

The day befur I wuz suppose to give birth, I was soooooo tired! I’d get on teh bed and just plop down. I looked at Teh Human and she gave me many sympathic pets and kissez, saying, “I know, baby-you ready to get those babies out, aren’t ya?”

Fuck yeah, I was ready! I felt sorry fur my cat mama and cat grandma and great-cat grandma and all previous female cat ancestors, hell anyone with a utuerus! Why do females have to go through the birthing process? Why can’t males go through it too, without some species changing their sex to reproduce?1 It’s not faaaaiiiiir!!!!

All people with uterus’ who identify as females: Here! Here!

The night I gave birth to my babies, Mama sat with me in teh crate for a while. Sister Nalia sat outside teh crate.

“Hah! Hah! Hah!” was all I could muster when I tried breathe, my mouth open. Mama tried to hydrate me with water droplets from a droplet thingy

Human: A pipette with a squishy black handle

but I didn’t feel like drinking.

Latur, thur was a brownout in the neighborhood. After making sure I wuz comfortable, Mama briefly left, but came back shortly after.

Human: I had to charge my phone in my car since there was no electricity. I drove to a parking lot one block over that had lights. I was there for about an hour.

Teh lights came back on about two hours latur. Mama tried to stay up with me, but fell asleep. It wuz okay-I knew Nalia would wake hur up if somting bad happened.

Latur that morning…I gave birth! I gave birth to three live kittenz and one unalive kitten. Latur, while Mama wuz out, I gave birth to anothur unalive kitten. Mama wuz surprised when she came back and saw teh unalive baby. I tink she felt guilty dat she thought I wuz done giving birth, so she felt it wuz safe to go out

Human: It was an extra credit cooking event for my Food and Culture class mentioned in one of my earlier anthro-based posts, however looking back, I probably should have not gone.

She took teh kitten out, put it in a box, and helped me wit the othur kittenz, all while Sistur Nalia supervized, usually from teh top of teh crate🙄Which wuz really annoying to me, but whatevur! I wuz just happy dat someone wuz alwayz with me…even if it wuz my somewhat annoying littermate who can also be sweet.

Becuz I had given birth in teh littur box that morning, I wuz a bit filthy, so teh next day I allowed teh Human to give me a haircut, NOT bcuz I wuz tired but bcuz I knew how important self-care iz with a little help!

Human: Mmhmm, suuuure…

She did hur best, buuuut I tink she should’ve called a professional, hehe.

Human: Evidence of my short-lived career as a cat groomer

Human: <sarcastically>Your honesty is appreciated…

Salem: I know! *Purrs*

I will say that I did love my babies, and togethur me and Human Mama did what we could, with Nalia always supervising. Thur wuz one kitten that wuz already trying to explore, and would try to explore while I wuz napping with its siblings. I loved snuggling with them while they slept, and when Mama would let me out of the crate to stretch my legs…and make sure the apartment was in ordur with evurything still in place, of course…and to also play with Sistur fur a bit, I knew she would watch them and make sure the little sneekurz stayed where she could see them. I alwayz ran back and checked on teh babies, though, especially when they started meowing! I gave them special purrz of reassurance and kisses and they alwayz stayed clean!

Sadly, though, my babies didn’t make it. You already know teh detailz from Teh Human’s posts so I won’t go into that detailz. I will say that I felt a deep, deep sadness for a bit after teh…died…I even took my last kitten out of teh box and into teh closet and put it in a cornur. Mama found me with said kitten and Sistur. I thought that she would be so mad at me! But she showed me compassion and gently said that the kitten could not stay in teh closet. She gave me lotz of pets and Sistur put aside hur urges to play and wuz also very nice to me-I must point out that it wuz more so than usual!

Human: That was very sweet of you, Nalia💜

Nalia: <Mrrreow! Meow!> Thanks, I try!

Human: Salem, my love, I am curious to know one thing: Was it instinct to bury your baby under the towel after you realized it wasn’t alive? *Gives Salem gentle ear scritches and kisses on her head and cheeks*

Salem: *Salem purrs for a second before answering* It probably was. I mean, Humans bury things all the time, including each other when they die-so why is it assumed that non-humans don’t have a similar system just because we don’t communicate the same way that you do?

Human: You’re right, my love. You’re also right that it is wrong of humans to assume that cats and non-humans don’t mourn or have ways of honoring your dead. I’m so sorry that Humans are ignorant like that.

Salem to Nalia: *Starts licking Nalia* I think I see why you chose her.

Nalia: Admit it, I may act dumb sometimes, but I know good humans when I see them!

Salem: Fine, I’ll admit that.

Also Salem: Fellow Musers (both Human and Non-Human, but still of Earth), I’d purrsonally like to know what your thoughts are now that you are more aware that even non-humans have ways of mourning our dead. Purrleaze

Recovery: April-June

The day aftur my last baby went into teh Great Beyond, Mama took Nalia to a vet-ar-rarian to get spayed and then went to hurr workplace. I admit, it wuz nice having the place to myself for a day. No wild-as-fuck sibling to mess with me, no well-meaning-yet-also-annoying-human who wuz trying to pick me up and cuddle me.

A breath of fresh air!

Howevur, I admit, I did start getting lonely, so I wuz happy when Teh Human came back latur. We sat on teh couch and just chillaxed (as Mama likes to call it).

We did play for a bit.

She gave me extra treats!

She spoiled and pampered me!

She made me feel like Teh Queen I am on my insidez!

“I could definetly be an only child if this is what it’s always like!” I thought to myself.

Nalia: But…but…buuuut didn’t you miss me?!? Even once?!?

Salem: *Walks up to Nalia and touches her tail to Nalia’s tail* Of course I missed you, Sister! I’m glad you came back-you just sometimes take Mama’s time that I have to find time in teh mornings sometimes to be with hurr.

Nalia: Well, Human iz teaching me how to share, so I think someday I’ll be able to share hurr with you!

Salem: Mmhmm, I’m sure you will. *Flicks tongue out over her nose* Totally!

Nalia: *Goes off and plays, oblivious to Salem’s sarcasm*

Anywayz, Mama did eventually bring Sistur home. She stayed in teh crate, and I gotz to give hurr payback for being on top of teh crate without me while I wuz in teh crate with my babies. Teh payback wuz fun! The first night, though, wuz rough, but I’ll let Mama tell that in Nalia’s Part 2. Let’s jusft say that thurr wuz a mizunderstanding between me and Mama that resulted in us working the mizundurstanding out through hissing.

Human: Yeah, my right leg definetly still remembers!

Salem: <Mreow!> Sorry Mama💜💞

Nalia: I think you should tell it since I was drugged up and out of it!

Salem: We’ll let Mama tell it.

Nalia: Okay!

Human: …😑…

Anywayz, about a week latur, it wuz my turn. I haz to brag: I’m a little tougher than Nalia. She wuz out fur most of the day when Mama brought hurr back home. Me? I wuz up and ready to be out of teh crate after about two hours! Mama came in frum wherevurr she had gone off too, and I wuz sittin’ up, at the crate door, with a look that said, “I’m good. I can walkz around now!”

Human:

Mama didn’t let me out, though, at least not fur a day. I had to stay in that damn ~~shitass~~ crate furr a whole ~~fuckin’~~ week! I already had bad memories from being in therr fur a weeeeeek-

Human: *Gently rubs Salem’s tummy* I’m very sorry, my love. I wasn’t exactly given time to get a new crate. Also, emotional exhaustion.

Salem: I know. I forgive you, but I still had to make a point and I need more sympathy from the reader cuz I’m cute and adorable! *Waves magic wand at The Human* Aren’t I cute and adorable?

Human: *Pretends to be influenced by the wand* Of course cute and adorable Mistress Shadow Ninja Void Queen Salem. I understand coriño. Your point has been made.

Salem: *Purrs loudly, eyes closed, smile on face*

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Eventually Mama returned teh crate to teh animal place that she wuz borrowing it from and the vet there took my stitchez out. Finally, I wuz free to run around the apartment!

Purrrzzahz!

She also paid mine and Sistur’s adoption fees with some help from hurr human mama and dad! She “adopted” Nalia first, and then on our apparent burrthday, she “adopted” me. I putz it in quotez bcuz we had already adopted hurr…so technically she paid furr hurr adoption twice! Cat maths says that makes total and complete sense!

Best dayz evur!!!

By the way, Our birthday is April 15th, two days befurr this post’s realease. Just thought you’d like to know!

Photo Credit: Hooman Daddy <3; Salem, Mama, and Nalia about a few hours before the Void Shadow Ninja Queen’s official adoption

Mama continued to go to wurk and hurr classez. She attended one class on hurr laptop called Hooman E-vol-lushon and Ad-dapt-tae-shon (Human: Human Evolution and Adaptation). Nalia and I enjoyed running around teh living room during dat class and jumping on teh table, all while occasionally giving our opinion about teh ~~lecure~~ lecturez even tho we didn’t know anything about teh topics!

Sumtimez I feel a deep, deep sadness. Mama callz it depression. I sensed that she was grieving my babies and sumting else too. She talked to hurr counselor on hurr laptop often for a month. Human Daddy came up and visited a few timez. Mama went to wurk and came home. She also started dis Substack page. Sumtimez she lets me and Sistur write on here too. I would say that my writing haz gotten bettur, although I think Mama goez back and fixez my typing.

Human: …👀…

Before I go, thurr wuz one moment that I have to tattle on Mama about! She called me the F-word: F.A.T.

Human: I didn’t mean that you were-

Salem: Hush, Hooman!

Human: …*Sigh*…🤦‍♀️

She said that I wuz lookin’ a little f.a.t. and that maybe she needed to scale back on the amount of food that she wuz feeding me and Nalia. Believe me when I tell you hoomanz and petz reading this, that I MADE SURE that she wouldn’t say that to my floofy face again! Tell ‘em, Hooman! Tell. Them.

Human: She hissed, growled, and kept rushing away from me for about 5 minutes, then proceeded to ignore me for 3 days.

And on the 4th day I was deemed somewhat forgiven by my gracious Overlady.

Salem: You gonna call me f.a.t. to mah cute, floofy furry face again? Huh? Are youz?!?

Human: No Miss Salem, Shadow Ninja and Queen of the Void Kitties, Many of her name, Possibly First of her full title of Shadow Ninja Void Queen.

Salem: Purrrfect! What do you call me nowadays?

Human: You are a beautiful, bodacious black lady kitty!

Salem: *Flicks tongue to her nose* I declare you completely forgiven.

Salem: Now, help me conclude my Part 2!

Human: Do you want me to type like I do or the way you do?

Salem: The way I do, of course. Also: I see your smartassery and raise you more sass!

Human: Yes Queen, of course Queen, whatever ~~the fuck~~ you say Queen. *Starts typing the way that Salem types*

Conclusion

Salem *oblivious to being outsassed*:

<dfffffffffgejlt9u846rhovk.nsffsjldsgiysgbnkearh;sfjoifa;ouier/lnkAF’OJIAA;OHIAHAajahaaoiaeeroghffhkrwjiowrojiioufouiwr9u0e4897thoirw;ohisf;fojifjiwjgnfn;i4uq54wieioajelkarlkjwfejwoweja;h;aoiiwepjiweroji>

So heerz teh facts:

1.) Me and Sistur Nalia went frum being outside, feral kitties to inside, somewhat feral housekitties.

2.) Nalia might have named hurself az teh Chaos Bringur, but I canz be a wild, sneaky ninja kitty too!

3.) I wuz a badass mama, and Human Mama remindz me of that whenever she seez that I’m sad!

4.) Despite that one blunder with the F wurd, I’m still glad that Sistur Nalia convinced teh Human to bring us inside.

5.) And befur Mama asks, yas I did have to have hur type teh conclusion like dis becuz I’m cute az fuk and my floofyness getz me almost evurything that I want cuz Ima Queen!

6.) I’m also a little more humbler than how I sound in this post-I just sometimes like to pretend that I have a flashier purrsonality at timez

Salem: Alrighty, Mama, anything else to add? *Starts rubbing on furniture and human*

Human: What do we say when someone reads our posts?

Salem: *Purrs loudly* Thank you all so much for reading my version of this story! Sorry dat it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbow unicats, but the next time you hear from me and Sistur after the mini-series concludes, we’ll make sure to be extra funny just for y’all!

Also Salem: *walks all over the keyboard, purring; takes note that Human Mama Servant fixed and erased most of Salem’s excellent typos for this final part* Alrighty Fellow Muzurz! Ima go take a catnap becuz Ima a good kitty and deserve one, but Nalia should be waking up from hurr nap now to finish the rest of hurr version! Az Mama likez to end these thingz:

Carpe Diem and Purrrzzahz!

~Salem, Human Mama, and Nalia!